This Little Light Of Mine
by Leisure
Summary: Mechanical arm: 60,000 dollars. Three story mansion: 900,000,000 dollars. Booze for mansion christening party: 500 dollars. Being a free spirited agent of evil: Priceless.
1. Porcelain

A/N: Okay, so this fanfic's been kicking around in my brain since seventh grade. Then last week I discovered that Buzz Lightyear of Star Command is on the Disney channel every morning at 2. Long story short: Warp muse returned from his five-year holiday, and this fanfiction was reborn.

P.S. Props to you if you review and find my reference to Moby's song "Porcelain".

"Darkmatter! Get in here!" Darkmatter flinched slightly as the command echoed throughout the hallways. He leaned against the wall and decided to test his boss's patience, knowing full well the stupidity of his actions.

"Darkmatter, don't test my patience today!" _Damn. _Though Zurg didn't sound truly pissed, Darkmatter didn't want to push him any farther. Not today. Darkmatter opened his eyes and willed his headache away.

"Coming," he muttered into his com device. "I'm coming." The hallways were steel and decidedly evil looking, but Darkmatter had gotten used to them long ago. It seemed Zurg's mission in life to make everything as evil looking as possible, even something as functional as a hallway.

Darkmatter arrived at the main chamber room and pressed his cheek against the cool wall for a moment before entering. Zurg was perched on the arm of his throne as usual, staring down at Darkmatter with distain.

"Another all-night rave, I expect," he sighed, drumming his fingers impatiently.

"Well, it wasn't 'all-night'," Darkmatter corrected. "Technically-"

"Spare me the details," Zurg interrupted. "Every Monday it's the same. I don't pay you ten thousand a week to shoot vodka and snort blow and then work for me in your free time."

"I don't snort-" Darkmatter began, but Zurg cut him off again.

"Shut up. Here's the bottom line: shape up, or you're finished."

"You wouldn't," Darkmatter murmured under his breath.

"Would so!" Zurg snapped. "Now pay attention. I need someone taken care of."

"Again?" Darkmatter groaned. "That's the tenth one this month."

"Ah, is somebody getting soft?" Zurg said condescendingly. "Have you suddenly got a conscience, hm?"

"No Sir," Darkmatter said quickly. "It just…I mean, I usually have to spend at least a day tracking them down, and most don't go down without a fight. So then I have to beat them to a bloody pulp before I kill them. It takes a lot out of me, you know?"

"Darkmatter, if you don't do this, _I'll _take a lot out of you," Zurg said, his voice rising. "How about your kidneys?" Darkmatter sighed. He didn't have the energy to protest.

"All right, fine. Where can I find him?"

"That's better," Zurg said. "I'll have the information sent to you as soon as my STAFF can get their sorry asses in gear." He said the last bit loud enough so that the various lackeys scurrying around heard him. "You may go," he added, waving his hand dismissively in Darkmatter's direction. Darkmatter stalked out of the room, pulling out his cigarettes as he went.

He found himself leaning against the railing of a small balcony, smoking and looking out over the dismal world below. The clouds above were red from pollution, and the sun was never visible- a great backdrop for some internal bitching.

Darkmatter's day had not begun well. He had woken up with a screaming headache, his condo was trashed, and all of his silverware was gone. Now Zurg was sending him out to kill somebody else, and in all likelihood he'd come home exhausted with a black eye and a few new laser burns.

As if it were reproaching him for his whininess, Darkmatter's mechanical arm sent a jolt of pain into his shoulder. He took one last drag from his cigarette and put it out on his arm. That would teach it.

Darkmatter checked his com link and noticed that he'd received the information on his next target. It was a young woman who'd pissed Zurg off somehow, and now it was Darkmatter's job to find her and blast her skull in. Same shit, different day. Darkmatter closed his helmet and leapt off the balcony. He let himself fall past the skyscrapers and the factories and the transports. He fell. _In my dreams, I'm dying all the time._ Sometimes he woke up before he hit the ground, and sometimes he didn't.

Ten feet from impact, Darkmatter quit fucking around opened his wings. He had a job to do, after all.


	2. Sin City

A/N: In the BLoST episode "Large Target", Warp tries out a new attachment for his arm. I was cool with it until he took it off.

Me: (…) OHMYGOD his arm is COMPLETELY GONE! …

I mean, I always _assumed _that Zurg had Warp's real arm chopped off to make way for his mechanical arm, but there were all kinds of stupid theories floating around about "building over the existing nerves" and "peeling off flesh" and shit like that. Let me correct you.

NO.

His real arm is COMPLETELY GONE. They FUCKING CHOPPPED IT OFF.  
A little dark for a kid's show, no? For a few seconds, Warp stands there with only a foot of black metal or something that attaches to the guns and things.

They FUCKING CHOPPED IT OFF. Freaked me the HELL OUT.

Okay, I'm done. Cut, check the gate, moving on.

Darkmatter's skull was pounding. His bones ached. What he really wanted to do was lie by his pool all day until his hangover wore off, but as it was he was landing his ship in the middle of Trade World. The twin suns were already creeping below the horizon, and Darkmatter still had to locate and murder his current target. Her code name was Howl. She was twenty-three years old.

Darkmatter secured his ship with every lock he had and left a couple of hornets hanging around. Zurg had stated very clearly that he would not replace Darkmatter's ship if it was stolen, and Tradeworld was literally crawling with criminals.

The atmosphere was even more oppressive than usual as Darkmatter switched on his jet pack headed for the bar where he usually picked up information. The very air seemed to cling to his skin. He slipped down a narrow alley between a dilapidated apartment building and an old machine shop, nearly sideswiping a hooker as he went. The walls on either side of him seemed to expand and contract, but Darkmatter couldn't tell if they were actually moving or if he wasn't as sober as he thought he was.

He finally reached his destination: a shady-as-hell joint with a half-lit sign blinking above the doorway. He landed, lit another cigarette, and slid inside. If Howl was as infamous as Zurg made her out to be, at least one person inside would have dirt on her.

The interior of the joint wasn't much better than the exterior; a pack of bounty hunters were huddled up in the corner, a few skanky strippers were dancing on the bar, and some shitty techno beat was blasting through blown-out speakers. The walls were the color of rust. Darkmatter let his eyes linger on the strippers for a moment before he exchanged his metal hand for a blaster. He took a last drag from his cigarette, crushed it out on the floor, and fired three shots into the ceiling. The music stopped.

"I'm looking for Howl," he said smoothly, pulling another blaster from his holster. "Can anybody help me out?"

It required a lot of yelling, shooting, and punching, but fifteen minutes later, Darkmatter left the bar with a bruise on his jaw and the information he needed. _Walk down the right back alley in Trade World, and you can find anything. _

He cut across the north end of the city and counted apartment building numbers until he arrived at number 6647. The suns had set, and the sky was rapidly darkening. Darkmatter landed on the roof of the complex, just above the apartment where his target supposedly lived. He made a mental note to take off his informant's leg if Howl didn't show up by morning. Suddenly, a spectacular bolt of lighting arched across the clouds, followed by the loudest fucking thunder Darkmatter had ever heard. He looked at his mechanical arm.

"Great," he muttered. "I'm a fucking living lighting rod." The sky was black now, and Darkmatter noted that he could barely see ten feet in front of him. Another lightning bolt grounded itself much too close for Darkmatter's comfort. The lights in the city below flickered, and Darkmatter realized that not only was the lightning dry, but the city would most likely experience a massive power outage within the next ten minutes. This was not good.

"Shit." Darkmatter leaned against the roof edge and tried to come up with a plan. His blood hummed through his veins. He used his flamethrower to momentarily light the surrounding area, but he saw nothing. A prick of sweat crept down the side of his face, and his jaw kept reminding him that it had been hit a while ago, and when the hell was he going to do something about it?

The next bolt of lighting illuminated the entire rooftop, and the subsequent thunder was so deafening that Darkmatter did not hear the footsteps swiftly approaching him. He did, however, notice when a small, armored body flew through the air and landed hard on his chest.

Darkmatter did his best to fight the creature on top of him, but in mere seconds he was pinned to the roof with a blaster pressed to his throat.

"Strange place to be during a thunderstorm," the creature said, digging the blaster in a little. Her voice was deep and cold. "What can I do for you?"

"You could get that gun outta my throat," Darkmatter growled.

"Oh, I'm afraid I can't do that just yet," the creature purred. Her face was inches from his own, but Darkmatter could not make out her features. "'Cos word on the street is you've been looking for me." Darkmatter blinked.

"Howl?" he asked.

"That's me."

_Oh fuck. _

A/N: Sin City references. Yeah.


	3. Blackout

A/N: This was written at one in the morning, and fuelled by three cigarettes. Shout out to ForeverACharmedOne. Thanks for the reviews.

Darkmatter was indeed between a rock and a hard place. Actually, it was more like a renegade and a rooftop. He quickly reviewed his options and picked the best one: get Howl off of him, fight dirty, and kill the crazy bitch before he got shot or struck by lightning. Or possibly both.

"Are you going to talk to me or not?" Howl asked, digging her nails into Darkmatter's arm. Perhaps she'd noticed how taut Darkmatter's muscles were beneath her, or how handsome his face was, but for some reason her voice had lost a bit of its coldness. Now it was low and sultry, with an accent that Darkmatter couldn't place. He grinned in spite of the blaster at his throat.

"What do you wanna talk about, sugarpie?" he drawled, trying to switch his flamethrower out for his blaster without Howl noticing. Howl laughed. Her laugh was melodic and strangely genuine.

"Well, for starters…" she paused and dug her nails in a little deeper. "What the hell do you want? Oh." She knelt on Darkmatter's arm so that she could trace the Z on his armor with the tip of her finger. "You work for that nutter."

"Sure do." Darkmatter tightened his arm as slowly as he could.

"Well, you'd best leave here before the storm gets worse," Howl said casually. "There's gonna be a blackout tonight." Several buildings lost power as she spoke. "I don't want to fight you."

"I wouldn't want to fight me either." Darkmatter very deliberately clicked the blaster into place. He felt Howl tense against him. "Now why don't you hand me that gun?" Howl laughed again.

"If you shoot, I shoot." She sat back a little, looking him over. "So I suppose we're both in trouble now."

"Actually, it's just you," Darkmatter corrected. He summoned all of his strength, which admittedly wasn't much, and threw his body to the side. Howl tried to leap away, but Darkmatter caught her ankle beneath his knee, pulled her down, and pinned her. "How's it feel?" Darkmatter asked, but he didn't sound as confident as he wanted to. Sure, he'd managed to restrain Howl, but it had been mostly luck on his part. She was pretty damned fast. And now Darkmatter noticed that she was also just…pretty. Even as Howl stared down the barrel of his blaster, she glared at him defiantly. He saw no fear in her eyes, which were pale yellow and strangely catlike. Her wild dark hair fell below her shoulders and seemed to grow in every direction.

"So kill me," she snarled. "That's why you're here, isn't it?"

"Right again," Darkmatter said. He pulled the internal trigger in his arm and heard the satisfying sounds of a gun warming up. In three seconds, the job would be done, and he could go home. The thunderstorm raged above them. But why was Howl still smiling like that? Darkmatter got his answer by way of a sharp, agonizing pain entering his thigh.

"Christ!" He fired the shot, but it was too late. Howl wrenched herself out from under him and scrambled behind a pile of scrap metal. Darkmatter pressed his hand to the injury, but the pain did not abate. It felt as if something had stuck a piece of broken glass into him. "Okay, now I'm gonna fucking kill you!" He could not stand, so he pressed his leg against the roof edge and began firing at the scrap metal. Howl returned fire with frightening accuracy.

"I thought Zurg's agents knew what they were doing!" she taunted. "Thanks for proving me wrong." Darkmatter decided that he'd had enough and switched his metal hand for his blaster. He took his time aiming in spite of the shots flying past him, but at last he curled his hand into a fist and launched it into the temporary shelter, praying that it would find its target. It did.

Darkmatter switched on his jet pack and flew around the roof to the other side of Howl's now-collapsed refuge. He couldn't tell if Howl was being clever or if he'd knocked her out, but he got his answer soon enough.

Howl was barely visible beneath pieces of steel and rubble. Her arm was flung out, her gun still in hand. A steady stream of blood dripped from a wound on her forehead. Darkmatter knelt beside her in spite of the pain in his leg.

"Got you, bitch," he murmured. At first he thought she wasn't breathing, but then he saw that her armor obscured the faint rising and falling of her chest. Darkmatter pulled out his smaller blaster and pointed it at her head. He almost wished he could take some time to figure out what Howl really looked like, but he couldn't take a chance with the lightning. He did have three-and-a-half feet of metal attached to him, after all.

Darkmatter fired one shot in Howl's throat and one through her right eye. A fine mist of blood splattered the surrounding concrete.

He bent over Howl and checked her vitals, just in case the shot in her brain and the massive hemorrhaging from her jugular hadn't killed her. She was flat lining, all right. He couldn't help but smirk as he wiped the blood from his boots straightened up.

"You're good, but I'm better," he said softly. God, if he had a nickel for every time he said that…

Darkmatter jumped over the edge of the roof, switched on his jetpack, and flew as low as he could to avoid the storm. The lightning really was beautiful.

A/N: Dropkick Murphys reference. Yep. 


	4. Longview

A/N: Wow, I'm really cruising along with this fanfic. Warp's a rather insistent muse… ;)

The flight back to Planet Z was not a pleasant one. Darkmatter hadn't had a cup of coffee all day, he was out of cigarettes, and to top it all off, his leg was killing him. Half way to his destination he put his ship on autopilot and stripped off his space suit. Howl's mystery weapon had pierced through Darkmatter's armor as well as his skin, leaving a large, circular wound a few inches above his left knee.

The wound itself was bright red and reminded Darkmatter of an insect sting. A hot, throbbing pain was quickly spreading down Darkmatter's leg, and he wondered if Howl had managed to stab a hypodermic into him. It was highly improbable, seeing as Darkmatter held down Howl's arms and legs when he restrained her. Then again, Howl had been full of surprises.

Darkmatter slapped an ice pack on the sting and began to pull his suit back on. Though he preferred his current uniform to his previous green and white one, the one-piece was still a pain in the ass to zip up. A faint clicking sound made him stop dead. Darkmatter's ship made a range of weird noises, but clicking was not one of them. He exchanged his metal hand for his blaster and listened for the sound. Nothing.

"Hornets, get your robot asses up here," he whispered into his com link. "And be quiet about it, okay?" All at once, the lights went out. The ship was completely black. Darkmatter tried to hike up his suit, but it proved impossible to do with only one hand. Wonderful. He was going to die in deep space with his pants around his ankles.

"Tell me, baby…" A sultry voice crooned, "with a body like that, why did it take you so long to beat me?"

"No way," Darkmatter breathed. "There's no fucking way."

"Oh, but there is." A single light cast a dim glow across the small cockpit, revealing a small figure with glowing yellow eyes. Howl was sitting on the dashboard, pointing a blaster at Darkmatter's head. Darkmatter made another effort to pull his suit up, but Howl cocked her gun.

"You shy?" she asked, grinning. Darkmatter realized that she had two small fangs.

"No," he said cautiously. Howl's face was completely covered in blood, but she was definitely in possession of both her eyes, and the hole in her neck was gone. "By the way, didn't I kill you?" Darkmatter added. Howl chuckled.

"Maybe," she said slyly.

"My blaster severed your jugular," Darkmatter continued, feeling his heartbeat quicken. "I made sure of it."

"Well, you know…" Howl's eyes traveled the length of Darkmatter's body. "Here I am. Anyway, I'm rather upset about what you did to me. I'm gonna have to shoot you." She pulled another blaster from a holster at her hip. "My regards to Zurg."

"Sorry, sweetheart." Darkmatter flashed Howl his most charming smile as three hornets entered the cockpit and trained their guns on her. "Looks like you're outnumbered." Howl remained composed, but she lowered her guns.

"I didn't think you'd have your own personal pack of robots," she said, inspecting her nails. "You going to shoot me again?"

"Will you die this time if I do?" Darkmatter asked. Howl shrugged serenely.

"I don't know."

"Well, in that case…" Darkmatter yanked his suit up. "Drop your guns." Howl frowned and placed them on the floor. "Now, would you mind zipping me up?" Darkmatter turned his back to Howl. She silently tugged the magnetic zipper up Darkmatter's back, brushing her fingers against his skin.

"Nice ink," she said, tapping the tattoo on Darkmatter's left shoulder blade.

"Thanks." Darkmatter couldn't help but smile. His mother had nearly thrown him out of the house when he came home with a sun tattoo at age sixteen. "Could you maybe rub my neck a little?" he asked Howl, wishing that he could see the look on her face.

"You're quite a sad little bastard," she said quietly, securing the zipper at the nape of Darkmatter's neck. It melted seamlessly into his suit.

"Call me pathetic, call me what you will," Darkmatter replied. "Hornets, escort Miss Howl to the holding cell." The hornets closed in around Howl. "Now," Darkmatter said, turning to her, "are you going to come quietly?" Howl smirked.

"You'd have to be pretty bad in bed for me to do that," she said, hopping off the dashboard. Darkmatter shook his head.

"I guess I walked right into that one." He was about to handcuff Howl when a long, thin object whipped towards his face. He caught it between two fingers of his metal hand and examined it. It was a tail. Howl's tail. A cruel, metal spike was fastened to the tip.

"What the fuck is this?" he asked sharply, glaring at Howl. She twitched her tail.

"It's what nearly saved me earlier tonight," she sighed, eyeing Darkmatter's injured leg.

"What's in it?" Darkmatter flicked the spike with his thumb. A drop of clear liquid dribbled from the tip. "What the fuck did you stick in me?" Howl remained silent.

Darkmatter backhanded her with his mechanical arm, sending her sprawling to the floor.

"Fucking bastard," she spat, and collapsed.

"Take her to the holding cell," Darkmatter snapped. "And make sure you double-cuff her." One hornet gathered Howl into its arms and left with the others in tow. Darkmatter sank into his seat and switched the ship back to manual. His leg was hurting even more, if that was possible, and a caffeine headache had replaced his hangover headache. Darkmatter tried to put Howl out of his mind and instead focused on the cigarette and the cup of black coffee awaiting him at Zurg's tower. He'd figure out what to do with her later.

A/N: Green Day reference. I'm on a roll.


	5. Who Needs Sleep?

A/N: What currency do they use in the Galactic Alliance, anyway? I thought it was unibucks or some stupid name like that.

Darkmatter's ship touched down at exactly 10:10 PM Planet Z Time. He leaned back against his seat and waited for the pain to abate. All he wanted to do was sleep, but he'd learned to go without it. Acid rain splattered his windshield, tracing patterns through the fine layer of dust. One pattern looked a bit like a cat.

Eventually, Darkmatter's leg stopped throbbing and he could stand up. He opened his com device, paused, and closed it again. It occurred to him that in the four-odd hours he'd known Howl, he had never properly seen her face. God knew what Zurg would do to it once he got to her. Darkmatter left the cockpit and slipped silently into the holding cell.

A single light glowed in the corner of the cell. Howl lay on the floor with her chained arms resting awkwardly above her head. She somehow maintained that element of sinister grace, even while sprawled passed out on the floor. Darkmatter sat beside her, keeping his weight off his bad leg. He brushed a lock of black hair from Howl's face and realized that she didn't have ears.

Upon closer inspection, Darkmatter discovered that Howl did indeed have ears, but they were positioned on the top of her head, partially hidden by her hair. They were pierced with silver studs and triangular in shape; cat ears. She was undeniably catlike in nature, what with the teeth and the eyes and the tail. Her face, neck and arms were covered with a thin, fine layer of black fur. Darkmatter wanted to reach out and stroke it, just to test how soft it was, but he restrained himself. If Howl woke up and found Darkmatter touching her, she'd probably pop him in the jaw.

Howl's facial features were surprisingly soft and delicate, though her fangs were probably sharp enough to bite a finger off. Each fang barely touched her bottom lip, which was pierced on the left side. Her nose wasn't quite human, but it wasn't completely catlike either. The bridge was almost nonexistent. Though Howl's eyes were closed, Darkmatter remembered how brightly they glowed. Something behind those eyes had sent pinpricks down Darkmatter's spine. He couldn't place it. Howl's left eyebrow had two rings through it, one of which seemed more recent than the other.

Darkmatter allowed his eyes to travel down the length of Howl's body. Her spacesuit was completely black and very close fitting, though her heavy chest plate made it difficult to get a good look at her tits. She was not exactly thin, but her arms and legs were pure muscle. Now Darkmatter understood how she'd held him down without any effort. Howl's tail was draped limply across her leg, the metal spike dangling uselessly from the tip. Darkmatter shifted back a few feet in order to take Howl in all at once. She was damned hot, there was no denying that.

Darkmatter pressed a tiny slot in the wrist of his metal arm. It revealed a hypodermic needle, which he flicked once and slipped into the side of Howl's neck.

"You'll be getting a full eight hours tonight," Darkmatter remarked, tossing the needle into the corner. "But who needs sleep?" Howl sniffed softly.

Her fur shone in the light. Darkmatter chewed his lip. Out of all the hooligans he'd fought, Howl was the most skilled by a factor of ten. He hated her for a number of reasons, one of which was her ability to compete with him. Lightyear used to be the only person who could keep up with Darkmatter in battle. And then Howl showed up and fucked with everything. She deserved to die…if only he could actually kill her. So why did he want to touch her fur so badly? He didn't have an answer.

Darkmatter waited a full minute before giving into temptation. He pulled his glove off and gently brushed his fingertips against Howl's throat. He might have been touching silk and never known the difference. "Soft" was too simple a word. "Velvety" was overused. For once, Darkmatter was left without an adjective. He stood up and noticed that his leg was bleeding from the injection site.

"Perfect." Darkmatter ordered the hornets to take Howl to Zurg's evil dungeon, took a few minutes to collect himself, and entered Zurg Tower. He opted to fly through the hallways instead of walking, as the wound had begun to bleed more heavily than he was comfortable with.

Zurg was still bitching at his lackeys when Darkmatter entered the main chamber room. He tried to land gracefully on his one foot, which proved no easy task. His injured leg brushed against the floor, sending hot needles up his thigh into his hip.

"Jesus CHRIST!" Darkmatter gasped, pressing his hand to the spot where Howl's tail had hit him. Zurg dropped the brainpod he was throttling and whipped around.

"Darkmatter, what-" Zurg's voice trailed off as his eyes fell on the blood pooling where Darkmatter stood. "Where the hell is that coming from?"

"My leg." Darkmatter bit his lip to keep from screaming. "I got into a bit of a scrap with Howl…she injected me with something."

"Howl?" Zurg shook his head. "I specifically wrote '_highly dangerous_' in her report, Darkmatter, not 'a little dangerous' or 'pretty dangerous', but…you _did_ take care of her, right?" Zurg shot Darkmatter a "you'd-damned-well-better-say-yes" look. Darkmatter stared at the floor.

"Well…not exactly."

"Not exactly?" Zurg's eyes glowed. "How can you "not exactly" kill someone, that's what I'd like to know!"

"I shot her point blank in the head, Evil Emperor!" Darkmatter protested.

"You shot her point blank in the head," Zurg repeated.

"Yes."

"And she didn't die?"

"Well, she was dead when I left," Darkmatter explained. "And on my way back here, she showed up on my ship and-"

"Look, it's too late for this now," Zurg said, pressing his fingers against his forehead. "Where is she?"

"She's locked up downstairs."

"In that case, just go to sickbay. You're dripping on the tile." Zurg flicked a speck of dust from his sleeve. "You will explain yourself tomorrow."

"Yes, Sir." Darkmatter opened his wings and left the room as quickly as he could manage. He decided to shoot the first minion he saw if he didn't get a cigarette and a cup of coffee in the next five minutes.

A/N: Barenaked Ladies reference. Yeah.


	6. Cry Me A River

A/N:

Darkmatter: You're running outta seam…

Me: So tell me something I DON'T know.

Anyways, The BLoST episode "Tag Team" is my personal favorite. It's freaking hilarious, plus you get to see Darkmatter with his shirt off…but I have this weird feeling that a shirtless cartoon character shouldn't be turning me on. Then again, I have this thing for beaten up yellow Ford Mustangs…moving on.

The room was dark. Pretty damn dark. A soft beeping noise repeated on a loop in the corner of the room. Shapeless shadows crawled up the walls.

"What the hell?" Darkmatter sat up suddenly. His head was spinning. The beeping grew louder. Darkmatter looked around and realized that he was not in his bed. He was, however, in his mansion. He was lying on the couch in his living room, wearing only his boxer shorts and a T-shirt. His space suit was draped over the arm of the couch. In addition, Darkmatter's leg was no longer causing him horrific amounts of pain. It stung a little, but the throbbing had stopped completely. Even without a source of light, Darkmatter could make out a single white band encircling his thigh. The beeping suddenly reached its peak, and a shower of flashing lights filled the room.

"Ow…epilepsy," Darkmatter moaned, staggering to his feet.

"Get up, Darkmatter, you're going to be late for work!" a mechanical voice screeched. It was his alarm clock. It was his fucking alarm clock. Darkmatter crossed the room and kicked the machine emitting the noise. The lights and sound stopped immediately. What Darkmatter's mother had been thinking when she bought the thing, Darkmatter had never understood. But he had to admit, it always woke him up at precisely six o'clock Planet Z Time every morning. Having defeated his opponent, Darkmatter sat on the floor and tried remember what had happened the day before. His mind was littered with Trade World, lightning, and Howl's laughter, with a little of Zurg shouting and a lot of pain thrown in for good measure.

After a few minutes, Darkmatter managed to piece together what he'd done from when he woke up to when he'd left for sickbay. Beyond that, there was nothing. Not that he cared much. Darkmatter decided to take the day off, lounge around by the pool, and explain himself to Zurg tomorrow.

Within five minutes, Darkmatter had rounded up a few of his working slaves and managed to get a cigarette and a cup of coffee. He retrieved a pair of shorts from under the dining room table and headed for the pool.

Two hours later, Darkmatter was on his fourth cigarette and his second cup of coffee, and he still couldn't remember what had happened after he left Zurg's chamber room. Howl's laughter still rang in his head. The pool water reflected the meteor shower overhead. The meteors looked a bit like glowing fish, swimming through a liquid sky.

Darkmatter's hottest and most capable working slave was lying on the diving board, trailing her fingers through the stars.

"Jovia." Darkmatter pointed at her with his cigarette.

"Sir?" Jovia sat up and crossed her legs, carelessly flashing her panties as she did so.

"When did I get in last night?" Darkmatter asked. Jovia shrugged.

"I'm not sure; I was asleep, sir. We all were."

"Did you hear me come inside?" Darkmatter drained the last of his coffee. Jovia nodded.

"I suppose it was around two in the morning."

"Two in the…" Darkmatter shook his head. "What else did you hear?"

"Nothing after that, sir." Jovia said, flicking her blonde hair. "I'm sorry I can't be more helpful."

"Whatever." Darkmatter crushed out his last cigarette on his metal arm. "Go get me a new pack, would you?"

"Yes, sir." Jovia slid off the diving board in a very sexy way and started towards the mansion. She paused by Darkmatter's chair and slid her fingers across his neck.

"Knock it off, Jovia," Darkmatter growled. "I don't want a blowjob right now, okay?"

"But my rent's coming up, sir," Jovia whined, working her hand through Darkmatter's hair. "If you could just-"

"_Not right now!_" Darkmatter barked. "Cigarettes, dammit!" Jovia shrugged and continued walking. After a moment, she stopped and shot Darkmatter a coy look. "May I speak freely, sir?"

"Uh," Darkmatter faltered. "Yeah."

"You smoke too much." Jovia tossed her hair over her shoulder and started off again.

"Oh I'm sorry," Darkmatter called after her, "you must've dialed 1-800-I-don't-give a crap! Please make an appointment with the receptionist on your way out." Jovia did not respond. Darkmatter made a mental note to stop letting her blow him so often; she had been far too bold lately. A loud, commanding voice snapped Darkmatter back to reality.

"Darkmatter!"

"AGH!" Darkmatter nearly fell off his chair in surprise. He looked around frantically for a second before realizing that Zurg was on his com link.

"Are you hung over again?" The emperor asked.

"No, Evil Emperor," Darkmatter said, giving himself a shake.

"Then where the hell are you?" Zurg demanded.

"I'm…taking the day off," Darkmatter said carefully. "After last night-"

"Last night, nothing!" Zurg's eyes glowed. "You're fine!"

"Am I?" Darkmatter glanced down at his leg. It seemed normal enough.

"What?"

"Fine."

"Yes, yes, of course you are!" Zurg shook his head as if he were talking to a Tangean grounder. "Weren't you there?"

"Well…" Darkmatter paused. "Not entirely." Comprehension dawned on Zurg's oh-so-evil face.

"How much do you remember?" he asked slowly.

"I remember you telling me to go to sickbay before I dripped all over the tile," Darkmatter said. "And then I woke up on my couch this morning." He prodded his leg. It throbbed for a moment, and then the pain subsided. "Did I seem conscious while your lackeys were treating me?"

"Conscious?" Zurg scoffed. "You were threatening to shoot the place up if you didn't get a cigarette and a cup of coffee within five minutes."

"Weird." Darkmatter rubbed his temples. "Did anybody find out what Howl nailed me with?"

"No," Zurg said. "They couldn't identify the venom, so they treated it like a neurotoxin."

"Any lasting effects?"

"Well, I didn't think so." Zurg sighed for perhaps the millionth time since he'd brought Darkmatter on. "I'll have someone run a few more tests on the sample we obtained."

"Sample?" Darkmatter repeated. "From Howl?"

"No, from my Great Uncle Mercury!" Zurg shouted.

"It was just a question," Darkmatter muttered. "What did you do with Howl, Sir?"

"None of your beeswax!" Zurg tapped the screen. "Just come in tomorrow, all right? Staff meeting."

"Right." Darkmatter poked at his leg again. "That really, really, really hurt."

"So cry me a river, build me a bridge, and get over it!" Zurg sneered. The connection broke off, and Darkmatter was left staring at a blank screen.

"Cry me a river," he said, flexing his metal arm. "You have no idea."


End file.
